martimeffordphotography

If you follow me on facebook you’ll know that recently I was complaining about  being a single parent during what ended up being perhaps the busiest week in this meffed up house.

Bill travels frequently (he traveled 75 days last year, not that I am counting).  But this time it was for 7 consecutive days and during our ”craziest season” as we call it because April, May, June are filled with 3 sports teams (which means games & practices) and there are end of the year school events, plus a lot of my photography clients want to take advantage of our amazingly beautiful Spring and have family portraits done. This all has to be balanced with my full-time job as a therapist, so our schedule is BOOKED solid. (see schedule on left)

Often when Bill is gone I “act up” a bit. I don’t do the dishes, we eat out a lot and bedtime is just a figure of speech.

I guess the old idiom is true; “while the cat is away the mice will play.”

Here is a brief over view of the playful things I did while my “cat” was away

*let my children watch the NFL draft till 11 o’clock on a school night

*missed the school bus 5 out of 5 school days

*ignored the gas meter & ended up coasting into a gas station of nothing but fumes

*deposited dirty dishes in the sink as I always do and was dismayed when I awoke each morning to see them still sitting there

*out of desperation one night bought my children dinner at 7-11 & while I was there I loaded up on groceries as well

*woke up to a doggie barking one night and then realized it was my doggie and I had left her out in our “backyard” for hours

*started a huge scrapbooking project that took over our entire bedroom which left me no choice but to sleep on the couch

*surfed the internet until 1 a.m.  Couldn’t even tell you know what I was looking at!

* Washed numerous loads of laundry and plopped the piles of clean clothes on Eli’s bed with full intentions of folding them…somehow that never happened.  Eli was displaced to the guest bed as the mound grew taller.

*the best part of it all was I had miscalculated.  I woke up late Sunday and was starting to make out my list of what I needed to accomplish before “the cat” returned on Monday.  Suddenly I got a text from “the cat” asking if he should get a taxi or if I was picking him up from airport.  My 1st thought was “wow, he is planning early, so like him!” Then as the texts flew back and forth I was filled with panic as I realized he was going to land in about an hour THAT DAY!

I quickly snapped out of my shock and yelled at the boys “WAKE UP!! DADDY’S COMING!!”  Ahh- good ol’ family dysfunction.  Miraculously within 60 minutes we managed to fold the laundry, load dishwasher, put away my untouched scrapbook project and clear the dining table of the 7 days worth of junk mail and newspapers that had piled up.  15 minutes before his plane landed I jumped in the shower for the first time in 3 days and tried to look a tiny bit presentable.

The funny thing is he would not have cared about any of those things. But I knew it had been a difficult week and I wanted to avoid him having to walk into a disaster area.

I have such a deep respect for single moms.  How do you do it?  I was raised by a single mom, and thankfully she was a teacher so she had summer’s “off” and both sets of my grandparents were nearby so I spent lot’s of time with them.

So I am sending out a late Mother’s Day Wish to all you super mamma’s out there! Our job is anything but easy.  I hope all of us got to spend mother’s day doing exactly what we wanted, even if that meant just sitting on the couch watching TV, surfing the internet and letting the chores go undone!

When folks ask me , “What do you do” I often struggle to find the right words.  In a nutshell- I help people.  I help people impacted by substance abuse or dependence.  I meet with them at their lowest point, while they are in a detox facility seeking help.  I am thankful to live and work for a county that takes addiction seriously and offers residential treatment for those who need it.  My role is to meet with those folks and assess their needs and then work with a team of providers to make treatment recommendations.

I do a lot more than that…but it’s complicated! The best part of my job is when I see them years later in the lobby of our building “Miss Marti! Guess what! I celebrate my 2 year anniversary tomorrow!” Or when I hear from their therapist that a client was reunited with her child, or that someone found a job and is stable. It can be very rewarding to feel like you played a tiny role in someone getting their life back, especially when you see it impact the community.

Addiction is tough.  It’s nasty and devastating.  In the 20 years I have been in this field I have unfortunately  known many people who have died as a result of their illness.  I know their names, their stories, their struggles, their dreams.  It’s hard. That’s why I take what I do very seriously. I truly feel that what I do is life or death.  I have no control over who may or may not “get it”, but I am convinced that every person is capable of a life free from this disease.  There may be obstacles, there may be relapses and struggles.  The journey is difficult, and I feel honored to stand there along side and encourage and empathize.

The friendships I have made along the way are special. My co-workers are often my “life line”.  It’s a family joke that no one really knows what I do. We are a unique bunch those of us who have chosen this unglamorous career path. Because of the nature of my work I can’t talk much with Bill or the boys about the daily stuff.  But my kids can tell you what the effects of alcohol are.   We will see a drunk fan at a sporting event making a scene and one of them will usually say, “Yep, that’s what happens when you drink!”

There are days when I am spent and feel discouraged, that’s one reason I wanted to take my photography to a deeper level.  I wanted a creative outlet that had nothing to do with social work/case management or counseling!

But in the end, I love that I get to be a part of both worlds.  People have said “Don’t you want to just do photography full-time?” The answer is no. Sure, there are days when I think, “I’d really rather go shoot some lovely photo shoot today than go hang out in the Detox.” And then there are days when I have spent 2 hours trying to orchestrate the perfect photo shoot and it all of falls apart and I think “ I’d much rather be doing case management right now! At least then I have some sense of control!”

I feel blessed to be able to live out my life passions; spreading hope and creating art.

Thanks to all who have guided and encouraged me along the way. Embrace this day and follow your passions!